Tag Archives: coping with cancer

Have been queasy all weekend and have now reached the tradeoff point where I’m willing to try the slice-of-hell jittery again if it will offset the pervasive, constant nausea.

Just popped a dose of Compazine (a.k.a. jittery hell) with a chaser of Benadryl (hopeful mitigator of jittery hell) to go with the round-the-clock Zofran and Ativin.

Let’s see if this makes me less miserable or more.

Yesterday was a good day. Aside from a bit tired, felt the best I had in months: no pain, no sickness, engaged and focused at work. A memory of what being healthy–well, as healthy as my human suit gets–was like.

This morning, thought I was going to have another good day. Felt energetic and chipper, pain free. Went out with Matthew to run a couple errands even. But think I might have overdone it. We were only out for an hour or so, but by the time we got home I had a headache and started feeling sick. Now I am thoroughly miserable and hurting.

Have taken drugs. Many many drugs. If they are helping, then I don’t even want to contemplate how awful I’d feel without them. But honestly, it feels like they’re barely making a dent.

Next week I’m slated to have my second chemotherapy infusion on Wednesday with my neulasta injection to follow on Friday morning. Technically, I should have the chemo on Thursday, but for obvious reasons*, Thursday wasn’t good for scheduling purposes.

Being on the tail end of chemo cycle one, I feel a bit better prepared, expectation-wise, for this upcoming session. Everyone says the first one is the worst. If that’s the case, sure, I got this.

Of course, the one after this one (chemo cycle three) begins the intrathecal (lumbar puncture) infusions. I feel far less cavalier about the prospect of those.

[*Just realized it might not be obvious to folks who aren’t on the American holiday calendar. Thursday is our Thanksgiving holiday.]

Had a follow-up doctor’s appointment yesterday with my oncologist at Emory’s Winship Cancer Institute. We discussed a couple things in greater depth.

The neulasta injection I’m having the day after my chemo infusion is actually not usually given to people my age but rather to folks having to undergo chemo who are over 60. But since my immune system is so fail from lupus/MCTD, my doctor and his team figured it a wise precaution.

Firstly, it’s a bit depressing that they consider my immune system on par with that of people two decades older than me, but more importantly, the injection is the likely culprit for the intense back pain I’ve been having. Glad to have an explanation for that. And also it’s indication that the shot is working. (It stresses bones as it causes a heightened production of white blood cells.)

On a related note, they did blood lab work yesterday, and my blood count is rebounding a-ok from the chemo. Whew. It’s actually in decent enough shape that I’m considering going back to work this week. I’d previously decided to take this whole week off, but I’m feeling pretty good and a bit cabin fevered. (And I think I’m really exhausting Matthew. I keep waking him up in the morning to keep me company but he still goes to bed at his usual night-owl time, with the result that the poor thing is getting really sleep deprived.) We’ll see how today plays out.

We also discussed the radiation therapy I’m slated to have at the end of these six cycles of chemo. We didn’t go greatly in-depth about it, but it sounds like it’ll be fairly rough. Due to the location of the tumor, there’s a decent likelihood the radiation will hit my salivary glands, which could have long-term affects. Sigh.

And, very important bit here, we discussed the jittery feeling I’ve been having. It seems that the anti-nausea medication I’ve been taking every eight hours, Compazine, has “jittery” as a fairly common side effect. I went off it yesterday–with Zofran now as my primary anti-queasy drug to take as needed–and took some Benadryl at bedtime, and I can’t express how much better I feel today. I thought jittery and I were old friends; I’m totally addicted to my caffeine. But this was different, way worse than even the most jangly over-caffeinated binge. I was feeling pretty desperate to find some way to stop the jittery, and having it fading from my system is so very much a relief.

So yesterday I had a consultation appointment with the Winship Cancer Institute boutique about a “cranial prosthesis” (i.e., wig). I tried on several models and have come to the conclusion I really don’t think I’m a wig person. I think I’ll be exploring other options–like chemo scarves and, of course, hats. I never thought I was a hat person before either, though. Maybe I’ll end up going with “bald.” After all, Persis Khambatta as Lieutenant Ilia in Star Trek looked pretty hot…

One thing the consultant did say that hadn’t quite registered before: it’ll be over a year before my hair comes back. Of course it won’t just magically return at the length it is now once chemo finishes. It’ll take time to grow back and all. For some reason, I just hadn’t thought it through. Urg.