Beyond dizzy. Shading into the psychedelic.

The Effexor withdrawal paired with the extra spiky Monday-on-Adderall-after-the-weekend-holiday effects is nearly psychedelic. I’m getting dizzy waves that border on bona-fide visuals. I’d say “whee!” except it’s really not all that enjoyable. My days of finding vertigo recreational appear to have passed.

t_rex mentioned that some folks use Prozac to help wean off Effexor as it often diminishes the side effects–which makes total sense on a pharmacological level–and it’s much easier to get off Prozac. Since I’m becoming less functional rather than more, and I’ve got leftover Prozac, I’m putting myself on a 20mg/day dose for a week and seeing how that works out. It’s either that or going on an every other day taper with the Effexor, and I want to avoid taking any more of that stuff ever, ever again. *wobble* Sheesh.

   


Writing Stuff

Received:
- Payment from Stephen Eley of Escape Pod for “My Friend is a Lesbian Zombie.” I’m delighted to get paid from Stephen so very promptly but also a bit anxious that I haven’t received payment from Here & Now yet. Well, everything with H&N seems delayed, so I shouldn’t be surprised.
- Rewrite request from TQR for “Cyberevenge Inc.”

New Words: Maybe 2? Did a couple editing passes on “Arachne’s Gift” from Critters feedback, and I’m pretty happy with it. After some agonizing and dithering, I decided that I’m going to go ahead and send it to Cricket this week, as I had originally intended. The Purple Crayon said that some of the editorial staff might be staying on for a while in a freelance capacity after the move, and honestly, I can’t hope for a better reception than to send it to the editor I already know and love, even with all this pending upheaval.

Club 100 For Writers
      71

Woozy and Narnia

While my p-doc said I could just stop taking the Effexor and it wouldn’t be a problem, he was obviously mistaken. I’m getting these periodic bouts of lightheaded dizziness, like falling. At first I thought it was the Adderall giving me a particularly hard kick for some reason, but since I’m on my weekend “holiday,” it obviously can’t be. It’s not a bad sensation, but it’s distracting, especially since it seems to be happening with greater frequency rather than less. I remember a similar effect when I first started taking the stuff, and it passed in a few days. I expect it’ll get better soon, but until then, it makes both stairs and driving chancy enterprises.

fosteronfilm and I saw Narnia with yukinooruoni yesterday. yukinooruoni and I were absolutely charmed by it. fosteronfilm was less so. I was delighted from the opening scene to the closing one (during the credits–so don’t rush to leave the theater). They did an excellent job with casting. All the actors were superb and believable–both children and adults (the White Witch was perfect, absolutely perfect). The movie was very faithful to the book, to splendid effect, and the FX were spectacular. I wish they would have shown more of the good guys–talking animals and all–but the majority of the FX scenes seemed to focus on the White Witch’s army over Aslan’s. Matthew didn’t like the children at all, and can’t get past the Christian propaganda elements of the original story and the resulting (literal) deus ex machina, the grump. The Chronicles of Narnia were a cherished and beloved favorite of mine when I was little (and too young to grasp either the Christian symbolism or any of the other problematic elements of C.S. Lewis’s writing). Now I have the urge to re-read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and perhaps the whole series.

P-doc follow-up (give the dog a bone, this old man came rolling home)

Had a follow-up appointment with my p-doc today. And . . .*drum roll please*. . . he agreed to let me stop taking the Effexor. I am now officially off any anti-depressants, which makes me happy! (Yes, the irony of that sentence is pretty gooey, isn’t it?) I explained to him that I hadn’t upped the dose past the 37.5mg starting amount since I was having such a good month in November, and that I’m sure the improvement is all due to the Adderall–since my weekend “holidays” are pretty sluggish. He suggested I up the Effexor and wean off the Adderall, but when I brought up that it seems likely that Effexor would be harder to get off of than a measly little amphetamine dependency, plus the shiny speed makes me happy, regulates my sleep, and gives me energy, whereas there’s no reason to believe the Effexor would do any of that. He agreed. So I’m staying with the Adderall . . . at least until my HMO adds Provigil to their list of spiffy drugs.

   


Writing Stuff

Received:
65-day form no from Glimmer Train.
65-day personal no from the From the Trenches anthology after making it to the short list.
157-day no-with-obligatory-comments from Leading Edge.

Ow, ouch. Not a good day, rejection-wise. Ooo, my ego is smarting. I need a band-aid.

New Words: 500 on “Vain and Vie.”

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
3,321 / 20,000
(16.6%)

Club 100 For Writers
      69

500/day
      114

Adderall Addicts Anonymous

Finished putting up the Christmas decorations. The house is all shiny and festive. Now to commence with the shopping . . .

My weekend Adderall “holidays” have become my weekend nap times. Also, I felt down yesterday–a free-floating and pervasive sense of doldrums. The Adderall has done more to improve my mental happy state than either the Prozac or the Effexor, plus it’s stabilized my sleep times. I no longer need to take daily naps. When I’m on it, I have normal circadian cycles. But I’m also pretty sure I’ve passed beyond “tolerance” and into “dependence” with the stuff. There are certainly worse things than being addicted to Adderall, but I dislike being dependent upon any drug–an inconsistent mindset, admittedly, since I’m totally dependent upon the Imuran to keep my Lupus flare-ups at bay. But it’s the psychological ramifications which concern me here. I felt a sense of relief going to sleep last night, knowing that I’d be back on my speed fix today. Something to discuss with my p-doc, I suppose.

   


Writing Stuff

New Words: 550 on “Arachne”

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
553 / 2,000
(27.7%)

Club 100 For Writers
      60

500/day
      109

Comcast ire. Day 1 on Effexor.

After a fairly stable period of Internet connectivity, we lost our cable connection for the whole morning. My ire is great at Comcast. Or it could be the Effexor, which I just started taking, although that’s relatively unlikely since it ought to have a build-up effect.

Big ire. ‘Nuff said.

   


Writing Stuff

Tangent work is again being backburnered so I can make words. I suddenly find myself with not enough time in the day to do everything I need to. For a while there it seemed like I had tons of it to the point of excess. There’s no such thing as a happy medium, is there?

New words: 600ish on “Rue and Ruin” as well as a full editing pass to get me back into the flow of it. I think I need to revise my initial word estimate on this one.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
6,480 / 9,000
(72.0%)

I’m noticing a trend. I seem to be writing longer recently. This would be dandy except I’ve got several short story projects in a row lined up. Argh. Novel later! Short stories now! Stupid willful muse. Now she wants to do a novel. Grumf.

Club 100 For Writers
      42

500/day
      94

Trying something new

Tapering from 40 to 20mg of Prozac this week in preparation for the start of Effexor. Had a mild headache yesterday, but I’m not willing to attribute that (just yet) to the decrease. After the comments I got yesterday about Effexor, I’m thinking that it might behoove me to modify my p-doc’s suggested incremental rate, perhaps give myself two weeks at each dosage tier instead of one, see if I notice any unpleasant or dramatic effects from it. Despite what all this juggling of meds might indicate, I’m really not severely depressed. I do get periodic mood drops, but I’ve both seen and studied severe depression, and while I can feel pretty blue upon occasion, it’s relatively mild on the depression spectrum. Yes, I’m tired all the time, but considering the dilapidated state of my human suit, it’s really not surprising. So I’m concerned about an overkill situation arising from the attempted treatment of my minor mental disequilibrium–like administering Lasix to someone with a chest cold. All I can say is I’m very glad I have a solid background understanding of Psychology.

   


Writing Stuff

Going to try something during this NaNoWriMo season. Since everyone else is pumping out words, I thought I’d take this opportunity to work myself back into professional-caliber productivity. Therefore, I’m locking myself in the library, away from television, skunk, and husband during the day. I’m also going to curtail my LJ time, so if I make fewer appearances in y’alls comment sections, don’t take it personally. Writer at work and all.

Received:
- 10-day personal rejection from Jason Sizemore at Apex Digest with invite to submit again.
- Also news that Jason has nominated by story “Oranges, Lemons, and Thou Beside Me” (slated for publication in Apex #4) for a Pushcart! I think it’s terribly unlikely I’ll be one of the selected, but I’m floating on a happy cloud to be nominated. Jason absolutely rawketh! Squee!

New Words:
2000 on another fairy tale re-telling, this time of Beauty and the Beast. After editorial feedback and discussion, the determination was that “The Better To . . . ” was one for the the “still needs work” pile, and instead of facing another rewrite with it (I cannot express how very sick I am of it at this point), I decided to pull out the ole drawing board. So far, this one’s going so much smoother. Or maybe it’s me being holed away in the library.

Club 100 For Writers
      36

500/day
      90

Adventures with Adderall . . . and Effexor

Had my p-doc follow-up this morning. Initially, he suggested I increase my dosage of Adderall to 25mg/day, but after more discussion, we decided not to. When I asked him what his long-term thoughts were with regard to Adderall, that I didn’t want to be on an amphetamine for an extended time–and what about Provigil?–he said that he was hoping to wait until Provigil got added to my HMO’s approved list before switching me over. That made sense to me, so I’m content to stay with the Adderall for another month or two (or three even) until the HMO Powers That Be grind their gears. I’ll continue on 20mg/day, taking periodic day-or-two breaks once a week to keep my tolerance from ratcheting up.

He also suggested I try an NRI, Wellbutrin, in conjunction with the Prozac for an added pick-me-up. But the idea of adding more pills to my daily cocktail did not please me, so we’re compromising. I’m going to wean off the Prozac this week, and then switch to Effexor XR, which is both an NRI and an SSRI. Starting the Effexor at 37.5mg/day next week, and then the plan is to increase that weekly until I hit 150mg/day.

Fun with psychotropics. So not whee.

   


Writing Stuff

Received:
- Contract and final edits from Aberrant Dreams for “The Son that Pain Made.” Everything looks great and the contract’s signed and in the mail.
- 41-day “regret that we cannot use it” from Pedestal with invite to submit again.
- 14-day “Dear Author” (ouch) from LCRW.

I think I’ve noticed an odd trend with my writing. Genre markets with literary penchants don’t seem to like me. But literary publications that are receptive to genre do. I’m so confused.

New Words:
1000 words on the funny little story, and it’s at zero draft. That was gratifyingly fast. Nice muse, nice word flow. Maybe it’s all the NaNoWriMo energy radiating off my flist rubbing off.

Club 100 For Writers
      34

500/day
      88

Adventures with Adderall

A couple hours after taking my normal 20Mg of Adderall yesterday, I was still feeling logy. Some back and forth waffling resulted in me popping another 10Mg capsule. An hour later, I didn’t think I’d gotten much of an effect, but then I sat down to write. Huge surge in productivity. So, yay. But less than happy about the apparent increase in tolerance. Haven’t taken any Adderall today. Debating whether I want to let my system dry out for a day or two. Have my p-doc follow-up tomorrow to touch base and discuss.

   


Writing Stuff

Got an email from the editor of Aberrant Dreams. They want me to do a signing in January at Oxford Comics and Games (2855 Piedmont Rd NE; Atlanta, GA 30305-2767). The tentative date is Jan. 11th (a Wednesday). Watch this space for more details as I get them.

New Words:
2300 on the funny little story idea that fosteronfilm and I came up with a week and a half ago. This tale was just tugging and tugging at me, begging to be written. It’s approximately a scene or two shy of zero draft.

Also plugged 700 or so words into “Rue and Ruin.”

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
5,885 / 7,500
(78.5%)

Club 100 For Writers
      33

500/day
      87

Adventures with Adderall: Day 15

I’m cold. Very very cold. My computer informs me that it’s a chilly 48 outside, which is wrong for Georgia in October. Hobkin is glued to my leg under the blanket, after shoving his icy little paws on me, and I’m bundled up in thermal attire. Reminds me of why we moved from the Midwest. I hate this “I can’t get warm no matter what I do *shiver shiver shiver*” feeling, an all too frequent one in the frigid north. Plunged in the hot tub yesterday and stayed there until I turned into a sentient prune. Normally I can’t stand having my skin all textured and waterlogged, but I’m dwelling upon the virtues of spending today submerged in hot water.

Aside from a resumption of major fatigue and exhaustion, no adverse reactions to skipping a day of Adderall. Hence, I went back on it today. Interestingly, I’m experiencing effects similar to the first or second day on it–complete with a certain zinginess. Verdict on tolerance: yes. Verdict on dependence: not particularly. It seems odd to have a drop in tolerance after only a single day off, since caffeine takes longer to diminish than that. Could be psychosomatic, I guess.


Warning: There is some nudity on the voting pages.
Not safe for work or kiddies!

   


Writing Stuff

Received a 138-day pass from Dark Discoveries with invite to submit again.

That rejection marks another milestone: my 500th rejection since I started seriously writing and submitting my fiction. In that time, I’ve wracked up 65 sales, won an award and been nominated for several, and had eleven reprints in four foreign languages. I’m very proud of what I’ve managed to accomplish. But at the same time, I’m rather dismayed at how far away I am from being able to make a livable income.

Cue agent call with news of a publisher . . . *crickets*

Sigh.

In less feeling-sorry-for-myself news, jackzodiac unveiled the cover for the Writers for Relief anthology. Designed by luridtraversal, isn’t it perfect?

Adventures with Adderall: Withdrawal

I was so tired yesterday. Just didn’t have any energy, and I even took a nap. Dozed off fairly early at night, and then woke up at 2AM for a bout of insomnia. And this while on 20mg of Adderall. So I’m wondering if, after a measly two weeks, I’m already racking up a tolerance. As such, I’m going Adderall-free today, to see what happens.

But, on the positive side of things, I’ve lost 4lbs while on it.


Warning: There is some nudity on the voting pages.
Not safe for work or kiddies!

   

Writing Stuff

Since I posted my little “we’re busy at Tangent, mm-kay?” whine, I’ve received half a dozen emails from folks interested in reviewing for me. *blink* I’m all yay, but my labor shortage has suddenly become a labor glut. More proof that the universe enjoys keeping me off balance.

And to top things off, I also got a query from a writer who thought Tangent published fiction and wanted to know whether I’d consider a serial. Uh . . .

Did they even look at the site before hitting SEND?