I debated whether to write this post. I’m quite a private person, and I’m feeling rather raw and, frankly, terrified right now–not things I like showing to folks. But the writer in me thinks I need to get this out, put my words and emotions on the page. And I’m listening to her, because she’s the only one in my head making any sense right now.
So, I’ve been struggling with blinding headaches for the last several months–since June–that has recently also become persistent sinus congestion and significant loss of hearing in my right ear. I thought originally it was a bad dental crown, since the timing coincided, or possibly TMJ, since the symptoms seemed to point in that direction.
After seeing a dentist, general practitioner, ENT, and oral surgeon; and being prescribed three (now four) courses of antibiotics, steroids, and a variety of narcotics to help alleviate my pain, they took CT scans yesterday.
As it turns out, the culprit is a malignant, fast-growing tumor, around 6cm, in my sinuses and hard and soft palate regions. In short, it’s cancer. They don’t know what kind yet so can’t make a prognosis. The ENT who ordered the CT scan said that surgery–ASAP, immediate, urgent–to remove the tumor is my only treatment alternative at this point. Whether I require chemo afterwards depends on the type of cancer it ends up being.
I have an appointment to see a head-throat oncologist at Emory on Friday morning to go over what happens next, what type of tumor this likely is, all the questions which are boiling over in a deafening cacophony in my head.
I’m fluctuating between tears and numbness, terror and resignation for the battle ahead. And I’m really, really fed up with all the crap my human suit keeps throwing at me.