Finished putting up the Christmas decorations. The house is all shiny and festive. Now to commence with the shopping . . .
My weekend Adderall “holidays” have become my weekend nap times. Also, I felt down yesterday–a free-floating and pervasive sense of doldrums. The Adderall has done more to improve my mental happy state than either the Prozac or the Effexor, plus it’s stabilized my sleep times. I no longer need to take daily naps. When I’m on it, I have normal circadian cycles. But I’m also pretty sure I’ve passed beyond “tolerance” and into “dependence” with the stuff. There are certainly worse things than being addicted to Adderall, but I dislike being dependent upon any drug–an inconsistent mindset, admittedly, since I’m totally dependent upon the Imuran to keep my Lupus flare-ups at bay. But it’s the psychological ramifications which concern me here. I felt a sense of relief going to sleep last night, knowing that I’d be back on my speed fix today. Something to discuss with my p-doc, I suppose.
Writing Stuff
New Words: 550 on “Arachne”
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553 / 2,000
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500/day
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You know, I don’t know a lot about lupus. What happens when you get a flare-up? Do you have to go to the hospital?
Actually, what I have is MCTD (mixed connective tissue disease), of which Systemic Lupus is just one (the major one for me) of a bunch of related disorders.
I haven’t had to go to the ER, but I know some folks do. It depends on how bad the flare-up gets. Mostly, my fevers don’t spike beyond 103-104, so I don’t need to be hospitalized. My flare-ups tend to be fever spikes, extremely intense aches in my joints (due to Rheumatoid Arthritis) and muscles (think flu symptoms on steroids), fatigue, headache, and nausea. When I lived in the Midwest, I also got fairly bad Raynaud’s Phenomenon effects–which fortunately have mostly disappeared now that I live where it’s warmer.
Typically, my flare-ups last a week or so, but the last major one I had lasted over a month, which is when I started seeing a Rheumatologist because my system could no longer de-flare on its own. I’ve heard of some people who have flare-ups that last years. And, of course, worse case scenario, a flare-up can cause organ failure and death. Fortunately, I’ve got a pretty good handle on my condition, and I’ve got a good Rheumatologist who I see regularly, but it does mean I can’t ever lose my health insurance *gulp* or I’m quite screwed.
Wow, it must be so tough to have to deal with something like that all the time. But you definitely have a good attitude about it. 🙂
Thanks, sweetie. It’s not so bad now that I’ve got it under control. And I always keep in mind that it could be so much worse.
I take breaks from my Provigil when I’m not working(I hate to say weekends cause my schedule is so screwed) and I’ve never experienced any withdraw symptoms or craved it. They are similar right?
I have noticed for the first couple of days back on it, I bounce and rattle a mile a minute. Like I’m on crank or speed. That usually goes away after three days.
Oh and I like that you post about your medical issues, helps me to not feel so alone.
*hugs*
You take breaks from the Provigil too? That’s good to know. Provigil is similar to Adderall in that they’re both stimulants, but Adderall is an amphetamine, which Provigil isn’t–which is why I’m eager to get onto Provigil. I’m a bit anxious about being on an amphetamine long term exactly because of the dependency issue.
Hee. I’m glad my medical posts aren’t boring you to tears. I always feel like I’m one of those old fogies that just mumbles about their various ailments and aches all the time when I blog about my various medical issues, but I find keeping track of the state of my human suit in my blog really helps me to maintain a big picture view of how I’m doing.
We are both autoimmune suffers and it helps me to hear you moan believe me. Makes me feel better about my own grumbles. Provigil is a good send. I don’t think I could get through the day without it and I’m lucky enough to have insurance that will cover it. (with only a $5 co-pay) I may hate my job, but it is necessary for the insurance, a concept I’m sure you are familar with. (or anyone with chronic ailments for that matter)
The cold is killing my joints recently. I stay bundled up in bed till I have to venture out to work, swaddled in my sweats, gloves, and such.
*hugs* and sorry to ramble.
No advice here, but I sure hope you take good care of yourself and are bearing up under these travails. I will send you some good karma if I can dig some out of my good karma/dharma pit. (It’s getting pretty low about now.)
Thanks, sweetie. I’m doing okay actually. It feels like a balancing act a lot of times, but I haven’t splatted on the asphalt yet . . .