Addicted to uppers/Late life lesson

There was much sleeping over the weekend. My caffeine addiction appears to have re-established itself too excess without me noticing it. My occasional “extra boost” cup of coffee has become part of my daily routine, an essential ingredient in my staying-functional cocktail, and I’ve begun to add onto that a second cup of java and/or a diet cola.

That suggests to me that my tolerance to the Adderall is ramping up, even with me taking weekend holidays from it. And on weekends, when I’m not on Adderall and not having my usual first-thing-in-the-AM coffee, I’m useless–either dead-to-the-world asleep or slumped logy and apathetic on the couch. I obviously needed to catch up on some sleep this weekend, but I was also free-floating grumpy at fosteronfilm and headachy, both symptoms of withdrawal.

While on the one hand I’m glad I’ve got a workaround; I keep pumping in the uppers, and I can function like a proper human. But on the other, it’s just not healthy. And at this rate, I’m going to have to ask my doctor to increase my Adderall dosage, and I would really prefer not to be on more than I’m currently taking.

This is all so annoying, dammit. I’m going to have to wean myself off caffeine again . . . but not until after I meet the next couple hamster deadlines. Still, even while I’m fuming at the shortcomings of my human suit, I’m also somewhat awed by how chipper I remain (barring, of course, the occasional husband-oriented grumpiness). My emotional equilibrium remains pretty stable, unfazed by sundry physiological nuisances.

It’s the job. Day-to-day job satisfaction is giving me a buffer I never had before. Makes me marvel that I languished for so long at my previous day job, and makes me wish I’d had the courage to switch careers a long, LONG time ago.

Ah, well. A late life lesson is oodles better than one never learned.


Writing Stuff

– Crits continue to flow in for the Japanese fantasy up at Critters. It’s being well received (yay). I did get one crit which made me go “gah!” but not ’cause the critter didn’t like the story. On the contrary, she enjoyed it, and she singled out the title to praise–yes, the same title I’m wracking my brain over to come up with a suitable replacement. Sigh.
– 8-day glowing reject on a reprint with invite to submit again from Blood, Blade & Thruster. They loved the story, but thought its publication history made it too well known for them to reprint. Can’t argue with a rejection like that. But, but snartleblast!
– Contract from Hub for “Wanting to Want.” Signed and sent back.

New Words:
– 500 words on the MARTA-inspired urban fantasy, tentatively titled “By Oak, Bramble, and Metro.” An odd phenomenon happening with this one. I seem to need to write it on the train. I sit and stare at the file at my desk, no words, no ideas, zip, but as soon as I get on the MARTA, the words come. #$%(*!@ Stupid muse.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
2,000 / 5,000

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11 Responses to Addicted to uppers/Late life lesson

  1. alijt says:


    I am so sorry to hear about the problems you are having. I never was able to adjust to the Adderall and was just left to deal with the cycles of fatigue and insomnia. I know too well how it feels and how your daily life is effected. I have bouts of depression because it is so hard to accept the cycles. Warm and fuzzy skunks always make me smile, though…good to hear Hobkin is doing well! Hugs!

  2. random_42 says:

    I’m thinking that I need to wean myself off of chocolate but will probably defer until AFTER raiding the kids’ halloween baskets.

  3. orig_ladycat says:

    Hey, I sympathize with you over your battle with caffeine and with the wonder about why we stick with stinky careers. Glad you have found peace and hope the health stuff smooths out.

  4. Job satisfaction is a wondrous thing. Maybe before too long, you won’t need the uppers at all. And I love that the train story may only be written on the train. Intelligent muse you have there.

    • Eugie Foster says:

      Job satisfaction is a wondrous thing. Maybe before too long, you won’t need the uppers at all.

      That would be fabulous, but I’m not holding my breath. The Lupus/MCTD is such a huge drain on my energy, even when I’m stabilized and not having a flare-up. Before I got on the Adderall, I was typically sleeping 12-14 hours a day, and I was always so tired. I couldn’t get anything done, had no energy to answer my emails, much less write. It was depressing as all hell.

      And I love that the train story may only be written on the train.

      *grumble grumble* I’m glad someone’s amused by the antics of my willful muse . . .

  5. dream_wind says:

    Speaking as someone who’s forced to break the caffeine thing at least once every three months… there’s NEVER a time when you aren’t juggling hamsters. You may have to start right now.

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