Melancholy rain

The thunder woke me up. Not Matthew, of course, he could sleep through the gates of Hell crashing open. Although he can’t sleep through a ringing phone, mwa ha haaaa.

I’ve noticed that since I’ve stopped having to drive through Atlanta traffic, I quite like the rain. The gray light, the soothing susurrus of raindrops, it’s soothing. There’s a tendency for it also to make me melancholy in a self-indulgent sort of way. I become introspective, but not in a particularly insightful manner. Wallowing in glumness. How very goth. This time, I’m dwelling on my dreams, both the REM variety, and the aspirations for the future variety. They managed to overlap this morning.

I’ve been having some very detailed sleepy-time dreams of late, with convoluted storylines and fairly in-depth plot development. It worries me that I may be a better storyteller when I’m sawing logs than when I’m wide awake. It’s so fleeting too. In that twilight coming-out-of-REM state, I vow to myself that I won’t forget what I dreamed so I can write it down and maybe turn it into a story. But when I open my eyes, all I can remember is the elusive sense of a really cool concept, and the fact that despite my firm resolutions, I’ve totally forgotten all the details of the marvelous dream. Wish I could stick a video recorder in my brain.

Days like these, I find myself wondering about my writing in general–where I’m going with it, if I’m deluding myself that I have the talent and vision to make my goal of writerly self-sufficiency become a reality. Maybe I should resign myself ultimately to being a cubicle-drone and treat writing as a hobby.

Or perhaps I’m still shaking off the maudlin haze from last night. Too much gin. Excellent company–glenn5 swung by to hang–but too much gin.

Writing Stuff

A Harmony of Foxes
New words: 107
Despite what various and sundry famous historical figures have accomplished, writing and alcohol don’t seem to mix for me. I did my 100 and called it a night.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
14,548 / 45,000

Club 100 For Writers

Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Melancholy rain

  1. sartorias says:

    But talent and vision are only part of the equation, and sometimes not the main part. It’s a matter of somehow, in a crazy business full of pitfalls, somehow finding one’s niche audience–and being able to keep them hooked.

  2. mtreiten says:

    Don’t be too harsh on the fleeting wonder and intricate convolutions that rise in your dreams. I get the same way, playing more the part of the cinematographer or director than an actual participant in the dream itself. Or sometimes leaping from view point to view point among the characters within the dream.

    When I manage to bolt myself upright and stagger to the computer with the dream fresh in my mind, the results don’t make near as much sense in the morning. Don’t get me wrong, there’s neat stuff–a cool twist or a texture perfectly fitting for a moment yet to be written–but it lacks the coherence that the conscious mind of a prose reader has come to expect.

  3. “Days like these, I find myself wondering about my writing in general–where I’m going with it, if I’m deluding myself that I have the talent and vision to make my goal of writerly self-sufficiency become a reality.”

    I go through days thinking like this too. And if I don’t hear back from Sumach soon about ‘The Princess Mage’, I’m going to go totally squirrlly as well as be self-doubting. 😉

    ~Maggie 🙂

  4. pyanfar says:

    read your story (and the others, too) on the website you posted a link to the other day. i really liked it! very interesting interpretation of the Persephone/Hades/Demeter story!

    oh, and it was way hot, too! ;o)

  5. gardenwaltz says:

    re: capturing dreams
    sometimes just holding the mood is enough. there is a feeling in my head, like a slant of light that i get sometimes that tells me i can and should write. there is a sense of ‘other’ that when sustained through the day can provide the courage to get to believe that someday i will write something great, if not today.
    re: cubicle drone
    it may not be possible for you to provide all of your sustenance through writing. it’s a tough life, but that doesn’t mean you have to take a job you hate. maybe you can find something part time or with some flexibility that will give you more time to write and submit. i do think you will make it. you’ve got the dedication and you spend the ‘butt in chair’ time that it takes to really get great. a different employer can make all the difference even in the same job. when you’re going on your interview, make sure to sniff the air a bit. you may well get lucky, but even if you don’t you know that you are not dependent on your job.

  6. housellama says:

    the soothing susurrus of raindrops

    Yup. Definitely a writer. No one else would use (or even know) this word. It’s a LOVELY word, perfect for its very precise and, for me, very auditory meaning

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *