Feeling a bit moody. Think it’s Post I-Made-a-Sale Blues. All that adrenalin and excitement hits hard and happy, but when it seeps away, it leaves me feeling sort of disjointed and morose. Had a half a cup of coffee again today to try to dispel it. It didn’t really work, but it gave me a little energy.
Having a hard time staying focused on things I should be doing at work and at home but just don’t feel like. I’m prone to procrastinating in general and now I’ve got the procrastination bug bad. Fortunately, most things I put off do tend to get done before it gets scary, and the things that get dropped by the wayside tend not to be that important in the first place. But the very act of procrastinating also makes me twitchy.
Blah. So I’m either doing something I don’t particularly want to and feeling dissatisfied about it, or I’m antsy because I’m not doing something I don’t want to do but really ought to be. Damnit. It’s that exact feeling that burned me out in graduate school and why I turned away from continuing on with my Ph.D plans so easily. I hate the sensation that there’s something always hovering over me that I should be doing all the time–weekends, evenings, and holidays–like reading that next textbook chapter, writing that paper, or studying for that exam. Even though I usually found the subject matter fascinating, there’s only so much “whoopee!” I can get about studying for a test.
In the end, I retired from academia and joined the work-a-day crowd. I found it to be such a relief to be able to come home after a day’s work and not feel like I have to be doing anything.
‘Course that resulted in planting myself in front of the television and vegging my evenings away, but after a while of that I got restless and fidgety so started writing seriously. Now I get that restless sensation when I feel like I ought to be writing.
Stupid brain. I think it’s just plain wired bad.