Tosca & Dad-in-law

Had a lovely afternoon with dire_epiphany, astralfire, and their son at the Atlanta Opera yesterday. Tosca is quite a violent and action-packed opera: jealousy, torture, threatened rape, murder, and suicide. Although I have to admit, plebeian that it makes me, I liked having the subtitles. It made it more accessible for those of us who don’t speak Italian and who aren’t sophisticated opera buffs.

Got home and fosteronfilm received a call from his mom. She and his brother took his dad to the hospital; seems he wasn’t doing well–couldn’t breathe, had no energy, and no appetite. His GP (a doctor I’ve been underwhelmed with from what I’ve heard about him) told Matthew’s mom that this was it; there was nothing else they could do and not to expect him to pull through this time. But one of his specialists–I’m not sure which one, lung or heart–seemed to think there was more to try. They put in a stint and a temporary (?) pacemaker, but my dad-in-law stopped being responsive while Mom-in-law was there. She had to go home, and after she left, he had some sort of crash that resulted in them putting him on a respirator. Dad-in-law has a living will that stipulates that he doesn’t want to be left on a respirator, but it sounds like he doesn’t have a DNR. Seems the hospital tried to contact Mom-in-law when he crashed to ask her what they should do, and when they couldn’t reach her, they went ahead and put him on it.

All-in-all, the situation is exceedingly grim. fosteronfilm and I will be going up there probably either later today or tomorrow. We’re both expecting this to be our farewell to his dad.

I’m a little more stoic than I thought I’d be right now. I haven’t had a melt down like I did in March. I’d like to think it means that I’ll be able to be the strength and support Matthew and his family will need at this time, but I suspect it’s more likely that I’ll just break down when I see my dad-in-law, as my track record on that front has been resoundingly unstalwart.

My dearest wish would be to never have to say goodbye to someone I love.

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30 Responses to Tosca & Dad-in-law

  1. *hugs to you and fosteronfilm*

  2. wolflady26 says:

    I’m so sorry. My best wishes for strength for you and your family.

  3. jaylake says:

    Good luck, and I hope it’s peaceful.

  4. gillpolack says:

    Thinking of you.

  5. jimhines says:

    Oh man, I’m sorry, Eugie….

  6. coronalrain says:

    I wish strength and love to you and your husband during this difficult time. May you both find the strength you need to make it through this.

  7. cussedness says:

    My prayers and sympathies are with you and yours.

  8. mroctober says:

    Being an agnostic, I’m not sure what to say. Hmm, well my wishes for all of you, especially Matthew, are that whatever transpires, it is painless and you all find comfort soon.

  9. pabba says:

    My thoughts are with you and your husband.

  10. ellyssian says:

    My thoughts are with you and your family…

  11. buymeaclue says:

    I’m so sorry, and please take care.

  12. aimeempayne says:

    I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

  13. sartorias says:


    This is a rough one for all. Wishing everyone as much peace as can be gotten.

  14. carriejones says:

    Good luck to you and your family. From your blogs and your writing I am positive that you’ll have the strength and beauty to pull through this tough time and be a great support to your family and to yourself. I’m thinking of you.

  15. arkady says:

    My dearest wish would be to never have to say goodbye to someone I love.

    I most wholeheartedly and fervently agree with that sentiment – though I think perhaps I would have to amend it to My dearest wish would be to never have to say goodbye to someone I love again. 🙁

    I hope that his passing with come with no further pain or distress, slipping away easily, surrounded by love; and I hope you will all be able to support each other in love during this difficult time. My thoughts are with you, Matthew and the family.

  16. wistling says:

    Sorry to hear that…be strong.

  17. aliettedb says:

    I am so sorry to hear this. My thoughts and my prayers are with you and fosteronfilm. I wish you strength and courage.

  18. gannet says:


    I’ll be thinking about you. Take care.

  19. whirl_twirl says:

    You and Matthew and his parents are in my thoughts and prayers.

  20. neo_prodigy says:

    i’ll keep your father in law in my prayers. i hope things get better.

  21. dionycheaus says:

    I’m praying that the both of you will find in yourselves the strength you need to get through this.

  22. tstauffer says:

    Hugs! My thoughts are with you guys.

  23. markdeniz says:

    Was so sad to see that the situation has worsened again.

    You are in my thoughts; both of you.


  24. basletum says:

    Keeping your Dad-in-Law in my thoughts and prayers.

  25. Anonymous says:

    Oh, Eugie, I’m so sorry! Hugs to you and Matthew, and prayers for your dad-in-law.

  26. ntrance says:

    Our thoughts are with you…

  27. puskunk says:

    our thoughts are with you and Matt.

  28. Anonymous says:

    My wife and I were grim sorts right from the beginning. That she was sick and I was in med school seeing all sorts of horrible things didn’t help our attitudes. We took care of our DNRs within the first few months after we married. How’s that for a honeymoon period?

    I know what it’s like to be unhappy with a parent’s choice of doctor. When my father-in-law was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, I was disgusted with his primary care doc, but then I met his oncologist. And oh my God, what an assclown. He’d written books. He knew it all. And he wasn’t about to listen to advice from an ENT (never mind that one of my best friends from med school is a specialist in pancreatic cancer, and had told Karen and I exactly what we should be asking). Grrrrr.

    I wish you and Matthew the best, Eugie.


  29. dream_wind says:

    My deepest sympathy to both of you.

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