Da Vinci Code blows goat chunks

Wingstubs are better after a few days of enforced downtime. Amazing how that works. Had a lovely chat over coffee with yukinooruoni yesterday, and fosteronfilm and I went to an advance screening of The Da Vinci Code on Thursday.

The Da Vinci Code: Wow, did that suck. It sucked on a fundamental story level which made me go “this is what’s been sparking all the controversy, death threats, and hunger strikes? THIS??” As a couple caveats, no, I haven’t read the book (and it has now tumbled off those titles I’ve earmarked as “to read” and onto the blacklist of “I’d rather read the OED from A to Z”) and we sat too close to the screen which resulted in pronounced feelings of nausea/motion sickness from all the jerky camera movement. I think fosteronfilm enjoyed it marginally better than I did; he had the advantage of not being nauseous through most of the movie. But he and I are in agreement on the figurative it-was-pukeworthy elements.

Tom Hanks was particularly uninspiring in the lead role, the movie pulled any punches it might have been able to level at the Catholic church or religion in general, the story was chock full of plot devices and deus ex machinae, the big, shocking reveal was lame to the lamest power (Dogma did it way better and far more entertainingly) and the ending went on and on and on. Also, the jerky camera technique, in addition to making me physically ill, also made me want to shout at the cinematographer “pull back you ninny!” The action was too close and too fragmented, so it wasn’t even an enjoyable suspense/thriller/adventure flick.

In short, the movie blew goat chunks.

Don’t waste your money on this one, folks. Rent or re-watch Dogma instead.


Writing Stuff

Mega congrats go to wistling for taking second place in last quarter’s Writers of the Future contest! Woohoo! *flings confetti*

New Words:
– 1500 on a new freelance gig. $$$

Club 100 For Writers


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26 Responses to Da Vinci Code blows goat chunks

  1. britzkrieg says:

    I could’ve warned you about The Da Vinci Code. The commentary on CNN’s site, for one, has been quite critical.

    That being said, Ron Howard did have the balls to cast a nice bright light on Opus Dei. It is a dangerous cult with equally dangerous political ambitions, and it should be part of the public consciousness.

    • Eugie Foster says:

      At least we didn’t actually pay money to see it. (Matthew got free advance screening tix.) I would’ve been far more miffed if we’d wasted money on that dreck.

      • severus69 says:

        Good heavens, Eugie, what a creepy photo! I don’t remember ever seeing this one.

        My wife wants to see this today, mostly because she’s still pissed off about The Passion and sees this as a way of striking back. Now she’s crying hypocrisy re the Catholics who are screaming about DVC’s inaccuracies, when they were just fine and dandy with The Passion‘s inaccuracies. I really have to get that woman to start blogging again.

        Thanks for your comment at my place, btw. In honor of Dogma, I’m using my Snape ID, just for you 😉


  2. amokk says:

    Couldn’t have been worse than the reveal in the book. Oh wait, since Opie said he was making the movie to be “like reading the book” it probably was as bad.

    Ugh, I just started going “man, what the fuck? This is stupid…” and would ask “What’s wrong?” “Oh nothing, the book is annoying me.”

    Just… yeah. I still need to write something quick and slap “Da Vinci” on it…

    • Eugie Foster says:

      It boggles that there was so much hype and controversy surrounding this movie. I expected, I dunno, some content. I realize now how silly that was of me. Hindsight.

      • amokk says:

        I haven’t seen it yet, but man, the book uses some really cheap writing tricks.

        I really hate the “here’s a bunch of clues that lead you to think X, then SWERVE it’s really B.” “But the clues lead us PAST B already!” “Yes well, that’s because I’m smarter than you.” “No, not really…”

  3. winters_edge says:

    Dogma is one of my favorite movies ever.

    You rock.

    • Eugie Foster says:

      Dogma is brilliant, genius, inspired! I love Dogma! I don’t even mind Chris Rock in it. And Alanis Morrissette and Alan Rickman, ooo! I think it’s hands down the best Kevin Smith movie evah.

      • palmerwriter says:

        I agree! I love Dogma, and this is certainly Smith’s best film. It’ll be hard for him to top, especially after Jersey Girl. He’s probably a stronger writer than director anyway.

        And congrats on yet another freelance gig! Where are you finding them all? I’m having trouble in that department.

        • Eugie Foster says:

          And congrats on yet another freelance gig! Where are you finding them all?

          Actually, I’ve only had the two, aside from the articles I’ve written for Writing-World.com: the initial research one, and this one, which is an ongoing setup. (I missed out on the wedding veil job.) With this one, I’m a subcontracted ghostwriter, and I’ve been getting weekly assignments/gigs of about ten pages of content to write for various websites. The compensation is pretty meager; I’m paid a flat per article rate which is definitely not enough to pay the bills (significantly below SFWA-pro per word rates)–but at least it’s been regular. I have no idea how long it’ll last, though. I’m hoping it’ll lead to more and better paying jobs.

          • palmerwriter says:

            Then just take the best articles and use them as samples when going after better-paying gigs. I’ve had good luck with business publications; you might want to try that.

      • severus69 says:

        I’m partial to Chasing Amy because that actress is CUTE, CUTE, I tell you! Adorable cute. I also like Clerks a lot. Mall Rats, eh.

        One thing for sure: Rickman is the best thing about Dogma. But of course you knew I’d say that.


  4. You know, I love Tom Hanks, but I honestly couldn’t see him in that lead. Think I’ll take your advice and save Da Vinci for a renter. 🙂

    • Eugie Foster says:

      Tom Hanks is kind of hit and miss with me. I liked him in Splash, Joe Versus the Volcano, and You’ve Got Mail, but the 2004 remake of The Ladykillers was an abomination. I’m not sure if anyone could have pulled off The Da Vinci Code, though. It’s definitely a wait-until-it-comes-out-on-DVD sort of movie, or even a wait-for-cable one.

  5. marymason says:

    I haven’t seen the film, but god, the book. The BOOK. Was awful. It had a a part where they called in a cryptologist to decipher mirror-writing. (@_@)

    And I’ll never forget the head-desking line, “They walked along the Champs-Elysees, the Fifth Avenue of Paris.”

    • Eugie Foster says:

      I’m not sure if I’m more appalled or less to know that the book was such a piece of garbage too. Hmph. All the starving, good writers out there, and this is the work that makes it big. I curse the fickleness of the publishing industry and Hollywood! Fie!

    • dream_wind says:

      To paraphrase Inigo somewhat, “I do not think this book means what you think it means.”

  6. wistling says:

    Hm, I think I’ll still go see it. I actually liked the book – it was a page-turner. I’m eager to see how it translates to film (albeit badly, from the sounds of it).

    Thanks for the congrats on my WotF story. Coincidentally, “The Stone Cipher” is also set at the Louvre, and a title I entertained for it jokingly was “The de Milo Code”. It’s nothing like “The Da Vinci Code”, though. Read it in 2007!

    • dream_wind says:

      I didn’t think the book was worth the hype, but I agree – it was indeed a page turner. However, I thought some of the plot twists were a tad far-fetched, and the quality of the writing was… average. But I could just be jealous because I’m not filthy rich.

      Actually, I liked Angels and Demons a lot better.

      • yansmom says:

        I agree. I thought Angels and Demons was much better, and a lot less “Hollywoodised”. Is that a word? lol! I couldn’t put Angels and Demons down, but did I ever have a hard time finishing The DaVinci Code. I thought the movie was okay, but I found they changed a lot of stuff around. I think they hyped the movie so much that it was bound to let a lot of people down.

        If you ask me, Angels and Demons has a lot more punch.

        Gisele 🙂

  7. basletum says:

    I’ll take Dogma over The Davinci Code any day. The only good thing coming out of The Davinci Code is people are now learning that Mary Magdelene was not a prostitute, was a Disciple (and possibly one of his greatest Disciples since she didn’t run off like all but one of the Apostles did when he got arrested), and quite possibly was the head of the Church after Christ’s crucifixion (with Peter being the “rock” or foundation). As far as the rest, mostly speculation based on dead end leads, misinterpretations, and at least one hoax that slipped past everybody’s radar until recently (Priori of Sion was established in 1953 as a political party with only 4 members).

  8. dream_wind says:

    I’m going to wait until it goes to the cheapie movie place, where matinee tickets are $5. Even cheapie Tuesday at the megaplex looks to be too much for this movie.

    I confess, the main reasons I want to see it are Ian McKellen and Paul Bettany. I always worry slightly when the villains are the most interesting and watchable characters, especially when the movie is supposed to be serious (Alan Rickman’s Sheriff of Nottingham in Prince of Thieves is exempted from this concern).

  9. aliettedb says:

    I hated the book, but the movie sounds like it actually got worse. It’s gone on my “avoid” list. I’ll go to see “X-men III” instead.

  10. tstauffer says:

    Regarding Tom Hanks

    I saw The Terminal recently and was pleasantly suprised. I really liked him in this movie.

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